Those timeless moments — for my son.
You can sometimes be a force, a dark cloud on the horizon and as warm as the sun’s rays within such a short period of time. You mesmerize more each day, with your laugh and that twinkle of happiness behind your eyes. Don’t ever be afraid to share that with me because I will never judge.
“But I am, so now what”.
You are not the light of my life, or the wind beneath my wings, no, for you are greater than that to me. you are the gravity that keeps me grounded, my bare feet sinking into the wet sand on a warm beach, the air that I breath in my lungs and the reason for continuing this adventurous and epic ride that is life.
I watch you grow and bloom into a man, one any mother could be proud of. I see Elvis Presley when I look at your long thick sideburns, who would have thought that would happen; It goes well with your growing locks you love so much.
Teenage years YIKES! That was my mind frantic every time I thought of the coming time, it was inevitable. But I always had a spare thought, in the very back of my mind, always calling to be heard.
“Don’t panic, we’ll be fine, it’s not as bad as it seems”. She was right, but so was that annoying voice that always seemed to win this internal dialogue.
Perhaps it’s my fear of the new world that is quickly taking place all around me, memories of the old days flood in my mind when I think of this. To be young in the 80s again would be a blessing, but being here with you makes it all just make sense in life.
I often wonder if was the perfect parent for you, but what’s perfect in a world so diverse in parenting styles? We dream of what we want to be our babes, we create ideas for that future and work our brains to the bone to be just right. But maybe our flaws (as I once heard it told), make us exactly what we need to be to these tiny humans.
We once had our own personal world we resided in, claiming our secret mother, son club that only we could understand.
WE WERE UNIQUE, OUR PASSIONS GRASPED FAR AND WIDE
We weren’t just techies, or (truth be told) keepers of the bad words that people often frowned upon. We weren’t just the couch cuddlers when you were smaller, or the loud ones in the room (even though we thought we were talking normally), we were everything all at once you and me.
If I had met you as a stranger when I was navigating the 80s and the 90s, we would have been great friends, I’m sure of that.
I miss that little bubble that surrounded us for so long, it seems now as if it never existed. I’m sure I’m another parent seeing shadows that are not really there, and creating a world that doesn’t really exist now. But If I’m not, and we really have lost the bond we once had, I have to tell you this.
THERE WILL NEVER BE A MOMENT, FROM WHEN THE SUN SETS AND IT RISES IN A DAY’S TIME, THAT I WILL STOP TRYING TO BRIDGE THE GAP WE FIND OURSELVES STANDING AT, ON OPPOSITE SIDES AND NOT SURE HOW TO GET ACROSS.
I WILL FIND A WHAT I NEED TO BUILD THE BRIDGE TO YOU KEEP YOU SAFE UNTIL YOU BEGIN TO BUILD THOSE SAME BRIDGES FOR YOUR CHILDREN.
I’m not sure you will ever be able to fully spread your wings and fly, but fear not my love, I will always be here to catch you and teach you how to fly if for even a moment. I will be your home for as long as you need me, your strength when you feel yourself weaken, your guidance when your mind feels the need to misguide you in this life, and your person to come to whenever you may need me.
From your old mother (as I’m sure you see me now), I would gladly still dance to any song with you and let our silly out. I love you dearly, and I am so proud of who you have become, struggles and all that may come with it.
©️
